By Sam Stack, Editor-in-Chief
//This is The Scoop. Every Monday, this will be where you can come to read all the hot takes that you want to say but unfortunately, you probably aren’t man enough to say them. This is actually the inaugural edition of The Scoop, so technically I am a rookie. However, that isn’t going to affect me because you know who also was a rookie once? That’s right. Every successful athlete ever.
Before you start reading this I have to warn you, these takes may be too much for you to handle in one sitting so if you have to stop mid column and reread the rest later and I’m fine with that. My goal with these pieces are to be as good as PFT Commenter and if you don’t know who that is, look him up because if my takes are hot, his are like the sun. Reader discretion is advised.
The Patriots are the gold standard of the NFL.
Look, the boys from New England are incredibly dominant and this can be scientifically proven. Take it from me too, I got a C+ in physics. So here’s me proving to you why the Patriots are the best.
They simply don’t need a proven QB to win. While Touchdown Tom is chilling for the first month of the season after the Dictator, whoops I mean Commissioner Goodell wrongfully gave him a month long suspension, Jimmy Garropolo took over and beat the Cardinals. Then Garropolo decided to throw 3 touchdowns in the first quarter before leaving with a shoulder injury in Week 2.
So the household name, Jacoby Brissett came in and finished off the win. (Seriously though, I have never heard of Jacoby Brissett. Not even in college. They could have just taken him out of the stands for all I know).
At this point, I’m convinced that the Patriots could become the first ever self sustaining team in the NFL. That’s right, at one point Bill Belichick could just leave the Patriots and I’d be confident that they could just keep winning without a coach because they’re that good.
Lebron James is the only one who can save the Browns
The Browns started off Sunday learning that their savior, Robert Griffin III, would be out for 10-12 weeks. But really that’s a routine thing in Cleveland now. I honestly think that the Browns front office has one of those signs where it says “days without accident,” but instead of accident it says “days without quarterback change.”
Then the Browns went out and got an 18 point lead in the first quarter. Something that they seriously haven’t done since 1961. So now it’s time to pull out the obligatory “what was going on in 1961 stats.” Well here you go, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated as President, Harper Lee won the Pullitzer Prize for his recent book “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and no one in the NFL except for maybe Adam Vinatieri had been born yet.
But the Browns continued to be the Browns and predictably lost the game. So what’s next for Cleveland? Lebron James. After all, he did say he came back to Cleveland to bring a ring to Cleveland. Why not do it all for all the teams in Cleveland?
Also, half the media thinks Lebron could be a dominant tight end in the NFL.
The San Diego Chargers days are numbered
When I say the San Diego Chargers, I mean the whole offense’s days are numbered. Week 1 Keenan Allen went down with a torn ACL then Week 2 the greatest fantasy football player of all time Danny Woodhead went down with a torn ACL as well.
Now I’m no math guy, a couple of calculations led me to realize that at this rate the whole Chargers offense will be out for the season by week 11. So you heard it here first folks, the Chargers are done. I hate seeing guys go down, but it’s football and that’s the price you pay.
I also want to take this time to tell Melvin Gordon’s mom that she is the coolest person ever. She told her son that she wouldn’t wear her son’s jersey to games until he earned her respect.
She seriously did not wear his jersey all of last season and Week 1, but week 2 decided to wear it because Gordon had a great game in Week 1. Talk about motivation.
The 49ers are the best team in the NFC West
This isn’t speculation, this is just a fact. By the numbers, the 49ers beat the Rams, the Rams then beat the Seahawks. This means the 49ers are better than the Seahawks. So the 49ers are tied for first in the NFC West.
I know what you’re thinking, how are the San Francisco 49ers a first place team? Well reality check for you, things happen in life that you just don’t expect and this is one of those things.
Things to note
Dropping the ball at the 1 yard line in College Football needs to continue
In the College Football realm I saw a wonderful new trend. Not one but two times this past weekend did guys voluntarily decide to drop the ball on the 1 yard line before entering the end zone. I’m going to be the first to say that that needs to stay.
So I’m a huge fan of showmanship and as far as I’m concerned if the coolest way to score is actually going to greatest lengths to score and then not scoring, then keep it. So calling all college football players, you’re not cool unless you drop the ball at the 1 yard line.
These are guys who I’m classifying as busts, meaning you need to immediately drop them because you will constantly be losing value and having false hope.
So with that here’s who you should get rid of.
1)Todd Gurley-He was one of the top fantasy football players last year, he’s combined for 10 points in two weeks so you got to cut him.
2)Doug Baldwin-He put up insane numbers in the second half last year but I watched him against the Rams and he was atrocious. Cut him.
3)Adrian Peterson-Once considered the greatest running back of all time, now he’s hurt and isn’t putting up numbers. Cut him.
And that’s The Scoop.