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The Scoop with Sam Stack 9/26

By Sam Stack, Print Editor-in Chief

// Welcome back to the Scoop, your number one source for the best sports information from the east to the west. So it’s Week 2 of this for me, meaning this is going to be my inevitable sophomore slump. So if you’re upset at the end of this, I warned you. I’ve also been stuck in an office all weekend and have watched a total of ten minutes of football.

  But just like JJ Watt says, “Success isn’t owned, it’s leased, and the rent is due is everyday.” Well whoever my landlord is, here’s my daily payment.

  Warning: Before you start reading, mentally prepare yourself for how jaw-dropping these takes will be. Remember you can take a break while reading this if it’s too hard to handle. Reader discretion is advised.

Scoops

  Aaron Rodgers always takes the first two weeks off.

  This happens every single year, the Packers just look absolutely horrible the first two weeks of the season; then Rodgers just takes over and the Packers end up going 13-3. Last season, the Packers were 2-2 a month into the season and Rodgers had to tell the Packer fanbase to take a deep breath and calm down.

  The Packers finished went 8-4 from then on out.

  Well after Green Bay was destroyed by future hall of famer Sam Bradford (you heard me) and the Vikings on national television in Week 2, Rodgers threw 4 touchdowns in the first half against Detroit in the Week 3 win.

  They say that the best learn from their mistakes, and Aaron Rodgers does not do that. Simple math tells me that if Rodgers tried in the first two weeks the Packers could end up being 15-1 every year.

  Hey Aaron, are you not aware that success isn’t owned, it’s leased and rent is due everyday? Sounds like you’re a little behind on rent buddy.

  However, I look forward to watching the Packers in the playoffs.

  Carson Wentz should have been the first pick.

  The St. Louis Rams traded up to take Jared Goff from Cal thinking he would be the next great one, but through three weeks it looks like the second overall pick, Carson Wentz from North Dakota State is the next great one.

  Time to pull out stats. Through the first three weeks Wentz is just outperforming Goff. Wentz has a 60% completion percentage, 468 yards passing, and 3 touchdowns. That is just polar opposite to Goff’s 0% completion percentage, 0 yards passing, and you guessed it 0 touchdowns.  

 If we compare quarterbacks to delivery services -which is the only way to do it- Wentz is Amazon Prime and Goff is UPS ground.

  Someone tell Goff I’m still waiting for my delivery.

  Ryan Fitzpatrick probably has memory loss from all the undiagnosed concussions he has.

  Fitzpatrick went off on Sunday with 6 interceptions. There’s simply one explanation for being that bad. Memory loss.

  People forget that Fitzpatrick is a Harvard graduate, so how could he be dumb enough to throw it to the other team is 6 times? It has to be memory loss.

  I don’t know if you saw the movie Concussion starring Will Smith because I didn’t. But I can only guess that it outlined the NFL’s iffy record on not recognizing concussions and treating its players like they are machines for money.

  I’m going to connect the dots here. Ryan Fitzpatrick forgot he was on the Jets because he threw 6 completions to the other team. And being in the NFL, he probably hasn’t been diagnosed with multiple concussions meaning that he has memory loss.

  Come on, I’m never wrong on this stuff, it’s simple science.

  Odell Beckham Jr. and Josh Norman love each other like brothers.

  Being an only child, I’m probably the most qualified to tell you this. When people say what they have is a “rivalry”, what I see is brotherly love.

  Last year when they faced off against each other, Beckham tried to punch Norman in the face. Last time I checked, brothers try to punch each other all the time.

  Then when they faced off against each other in week 3, Beckham leaped to grab a ball and when he was coming down Norman caught him. Now, what you may see is Norman trying to get into Beckham’s head, what I say is a nice big, loving hug from one man to another.

  And finally, late in the game Beckham punched a kicker’s net in frustration. I don’t know about you but it seemed like a younger brother throwing a tantrum because his older brother made him upset.

  This isn’t a rivalry folks, this is two grown men who treat each other like brothers.

  Things to Note

  Les Miles finally got fired and should get hired by the Browns

  This was bound to happen. Les Miles, to me was the biggest enigma in college football. The talent in the NFL that comes from LSU is incredible. Jarvis Landry, Odell Beckham Jr, Jeremy Hill, Patrick Peterson, and Tyrann Mathieu are all Tigers.

  The funny thing about that list is that none of them are quarterbacks. At this point I just don’t think that Les believes that position exists. He just recruits really good players at every position but quarterback.

  But I have a solution for Les in this situation. He should just go to the Browns.

  It’s a perfect fit. The Browns have never had a good quarterback. In fact, they had a wide receiver take a couple snaps under center in Week 3. Sounds like the perfect situation for Les.

Fantasy Busts

1)Le’veon Bell- Look I don’t care if he’s suspended and comes back next week, I need production and so far the only thing that’s been next to his name is a big zero. Cut him.

2)Jamaal Charles- I haven’t seen him on the field this season. I don’t take injuries as excuses, ok. Kobe Bryant took two free throws on a torn achilles, Willis Reed played a whole game with a torn muscle in his thigh, I jammed my pinky and still finished off a pickup basketball game once. Get the picture? Cut him.

3)Brandon Marshall-His quarterback has memory loss as you read before. Can’t have a quarterback who doesn’t even think you’re on his team. Cut him.

  However, on a more serious note I’d like to recognize the major figures that the sports world lost on Sunday. Unfortunately, Jose Fernandez tragically passed away at age 24, and golfing legend Arnold Palmer passed at age 87. Both were huge names in their respective sports and will truly be missed. Rest in Peace.
  And that’s the Scoop.

Categories: News

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