Feature

The Scoop with Sam Stack 11/16

By Sam Stack, Editor-in-Chief

// Welcome back to the scoop.

Reader discretion advised.

Phillip Rivers is the Miami Dolphins’ quarterback of the future.

  Rivers threw four interceptions in the fourth quarter against the Dolphins. That’s just talented. He’s in the NFL for a reason, to entertain us and boy is he doing his job correctly.

  I can only believe the reason that this happened is because Rivers is planning on going to Miami to play football. So BREAKING NEWS: Phillip Rivers signs with the Miami Dolphins to become their quarterback.

  There you go, you heard it here first folks.

  Also, one of those interceptions was returned for a touchdown. And if you want to spin it in an advantageous way, it is limiting your opponent’s time of possession. A pick 6 is basically a kickoff to yourself. Kudos to you Phillip, you’re revolutionizing the game.

Election Night Fallout-Warriors are undefeated.

  After election night a lot of America has been trying to find the positives out of election night, as a Warriors fan I’ve found mine.

  Spinzone Alert: The Warriors are undefeated since the President was elected. Pretty noteworthy stat if you ask me. At this rate the Warriors will be undefeated for the next four years and I’ll take that.

  I mean I don’t support him but this is about sports not politics. Politics is for smart people to talk about. I don’t know if you’ve read these before but my intellect is subpar (golf reference).

Mike Tomlin is this century’s Thomas Edison

  After last week’s amazing two step onside kick that, mark my words, will change the game, the Steelers were back at it this week with the fake spike-touchdown pass.

  Ben Roethlisberger fake spiked the ball as if he were ending the play then launched a touchdown pass to Antonio Brown. By golly, this is amazing. What’s next? A fake fumble lateral or a punt field goal.

  Mike Tomlin is incredibly creative, the only comparison I can think of is Thomas Edison. So yes, I am equating the Light Bulb to football plays.

  But I mean this is the face of a genius.

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By DraftDaySuit

My Grandma is planning on entering the NFL

  I went to a dinner for my Grandma’s birthday last Friday and wow, I was amped. Not only did I share a hot wings plate with her but she also asked me for weightlifting tips. So if you’re wondering how my family is then your honor, this is exhibit A.

  So after I gave my grandma lifting tips, I clearly came to a conclusion that my 91 year old grandmother (she doesn’t look a day over 43) is going to enter the NFL. What other reason would she want to lift weights?

  I honestly think she’s quicker than most of the guys on the 49er’s defense. So if anyone needs a little veteran leadership on their defense give me a call.

Update on my 5th grade CYO team

  For those of you who don’t know I’m basically Phil Jackson of 5th grade basketball. Every week I’ll be updating my 5+ readers on the status of the team I’m coaching.

  Well anyways, after starting out the season 1-2 with a minimal amount of practices, we started off our in league schedule with a dominant performance. We won the first game with a whopping score of 27-11.

  Our defense was stellar as we shut the team out for the first 15 minutes of the game. Our 2-3 zone was only equatable to a Syracuse zone, if not better. Next week we’ll look to keep our opponent in single digits.

  No wonder he’s has such good stats, look how big he is compared to the defense…

 

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By Bleacher Report

 

  Ladies and gentlemen let me present to you the funniest man in sports media, Rick Reilly. 

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This is honestly how to make a good joke 101. This is the pinnacle of comedy people.

And that’s the Scoop.

Categories: Feature

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