By Sam Stack, Editor-in-Chief
// To start off, I’m sorry. I haven’t been posting. That’s on me. But as the Public Relations expert that I am, I’ve returned with sweeping changes for the scoop. Since I cornered the market on high school newspaper website’s satirical articles about sports, I thought I should expand. Now the scoop will be covering the week in pop culture and social media. I’m talking memes, events, and general things that happened during the week.
Not only will I attract the sports crowd but I’ll attract the rest of the crowds as well. Don’t call me a visionary, but I don’t wear black turtlenecks, mom jeans, and new balances everyday like I’m Steve Jobs for a reason.
Now let’s get things going.
WARNING: Reader discretion is advised.
Alex Smith gave the most Alex Smith performance of all time.
So I used to be a 49ers fan but I’m boycotting the Niners as a fan until they get rid of Jed York as an owner. If they ever want me back get rid of York. (This doesn’t change the fact I’ve been checking mock drafts daily).
Anyways, as a former Niners fan, I know how Alex Smith works. Smith will do the absolute maximum to lose by a field goal in the divisional round of the playoffs. Smith will lead his team in the regular season, with a dominant defense, and be the “dark horse” in the playoffs.
Well let’s take a gander at what Smith did this season. 1) The Chiefs had a dominant defense and won their division. 2) We’re seen as a dark horse to beat the Patriots. 3) Lost in the divisional round by 2.
Now I’m not upset at all, because this is what Alex Smith lives for. This is why he exists so everything is right in the world.
* So I’m writing this before the Warriors-Cavs game. Because of that I’ll write a scoop for either outcome.
Warriors are overrated and can’t beat elite teams.
The Warriors have done everything to beat the Cavs and they still can’t do it. FIrst they blow the 3-1 lead. Then the Christmas Day Game. Now this? The Warriors are going to need another All Star.
The Warriors are back baby.
They finally showed they can take down the Cavs. They have extreme confidence in themselves. No one can stop the Warriors now.
Celebrity Look Alike of the Week.
Credit-Houston Chronicle and US weekly
Brock Osweiler, quarterback of the Houston Texans and Robert Pattinson. Pattinson played Edwards on Twilight. So Brock Osweiler is basically a vampire. You have got to think the Patriots were only serving garlic fries at the game on Saturday. That’s a true Belichick move.
Jennifer Holliday Backed Out of Performing at Trump’s Inauguration
So this isn’t surprising because of the entertainment world’s absolute hatred of Trump. It was seen at the golden globes, with Streep’s speech and all. Also of note, if you were at the Golden Globes and you were a Trump Supporter, that must have been so awkward.
Well, with Holliday backing out of the Inauguration things aren’t looking too good. At this rate the only thing performing at the Inauguration will be a boombox from the early 2000’s playing “Now that’s what I Call Music” from 2007 with the featured hit being a clean version of Flo Rida’s hit “Low.”
The Ringling Bros. Circus is shutting down
Pretty crazy news to be honest. Everyone is saying that it is because of the way they treated the elephants and their business model was horrible after losing the elephants but I have a theory instead.
People used to skip college to join the circus right? It was a pretty popular thing to do folks. But now kids are bypassing college to make start up companies. Essentially, kids are looking to make money instead of entertaining. Making a start up is now the equivalent of joining the circus.
RIP to the Ringling Bros. Circus even though I’ve never actually seen it and have really no emotional connection to it at all.
Meme of the Week
So this is the Salt Guy meme. This was born from a video where this guy just does too much cutting a piece of meat. He goes to the extreme of licking the bone after he cuts it out then sprinkles this salt like a moron. An example of this meme is “when you add thus on an essay.”
And that’s The Scoop.